Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
