You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
