I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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