Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
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