I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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