hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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