You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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