is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
