she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
