Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
you traded sex for a burrito?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
