I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
