i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Randomize
