you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
