You were right. It hurts to walk today.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
