This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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