I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
