I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Randomize
