Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
