yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
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