Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
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