Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
