I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
