and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
