Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
