My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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