His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
