so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
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