Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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