Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
