is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize