I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
