turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
