thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize
