I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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