I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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