Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
