my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
