i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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