i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
