suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Randomize
