JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
