I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
My vagina is officially offended.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
