I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
