Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
