How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
