so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
