i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
