Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Just high enough for therapy.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Randomize
