Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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