This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
