I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Randomize
