Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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