Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Green mimosas i think yes
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
