She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
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