K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
