then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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