Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
