When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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