My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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