She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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