Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
