Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I love you. Go after that dick
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
