Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize