Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(434): View more from Virginia

Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.

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(717): View more from Pennsylvania

you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober

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(949): View more from California

We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations

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(248): View more from Michigan

after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life

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(910): View more from North Carolina

So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?

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(828): View more from North Carolina

my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.

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(316): View more from Kansas

He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.

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(720): View more from Colorado

I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.

(1-405): View more from Oklahoma

I'm down.

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