Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
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