That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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