I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
