Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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