i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
