so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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