Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
