shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
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