What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
