Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
