Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
