i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
We are all done wearing pants today
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize